Overwhelming ...

Again another day, I don't know what it is that says it is a blogging day but when the status update on fb just isn't cutting it I sometimes realize it is blog day. LOL
This weekend has been crammed pack with excitement: Noah's soccer game!, Jacob's birthday party, church, family and friend time.... But one things remains constant and I can't kick it. This overwhelming emotion boiling in me. Ever looked at something and seen it for the blessing it is instead of just what it is???  No I am not having my "monthly" to be an emotional wreck, but I feel this powerful presence wanting to burst out of me. I look at my boys and have been in tears this weekend. I sing a simple song and I can't hold it in. I hear other people's testimonies and I just say again wow and how blessed am I!!!


As the people who know my life story...if only even since Jacob has been around, I definitely did not say thank you Lord when I was on my knees and in tears that I couldn't stop at that point. I was saying God why is this happening? Why me? and scared! I did not trust in what is now my life and my path and my plan that God has had and always will have for me. We all have trials and tribulations...man oh man do we!! Ever read James 1:2? Dear brothers and sisters when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when you endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

This goes back to my today. I don't believe we ever actually "see" God's plan for us in black and white; however, the last two days is like my heart is finally grasping at what peace, love, trusting in all that HE is and the blessings God has given me. That He is MY savior. I am not so low, unimportant, worthless bc I don't own this or that or wear this or that or I don't work now. BUT I AM IMPORTANT TO GOD. HE MADE ME. HE HAS A PLAN FOR ME. I AM BLESSED!!! I AM HAPPY!!!!! It is as if the tears need to flow to water my soul...not in pain or hurt but for joy and happiness! And I have never been to that point!!!! Man thank you Lord!  It is a very overwhelming thought to me! I may not know how to say what I need to, feel how I am supposed to, but the life I have had has made me this way. Each experience, each trial, each joy, each loss, each everything.  I do ask for wisdom and guidance as we did hear about in our series at church about growing up into more mature Christians. I feel I have accepted now that God wants to use me(man did that take a while to accept that in itself!), has a path...but MAN I SO WISH I COULD GET A GLIMPSE OF THE BLUEPRINTS!!

Most though even if they could see the blueprints would prob think they thought better so what good would that do, right? One of the only things I know is that I love every tiny part of being a mama, seeing my boys smiles, hearing their giggles, the sparkles in their eyes, holding & hugging them. Being a mommy is without a doubt more than I could ever ask for or know to ask for as the best blessing I have ever been given. I hear stories of people who have lost, people who choose to not take care of their children, and it blows my mind! ! ! I see people and hear stories of struggling people and learn from them! So never it is my place to judge, but to lift them up, as I know at times I have needed lifting!!! Man oh man if each person just knew a tiny bit of the blessing they are to others, the lesson they teach without knowing, the smile that saved some one's day..... I think people would focus more on other people and more people could know God and be bursting with this unexplainable joy..that for me can only be expressed with tears(and this pathetic blog attempt lol).

You see, I know there are still trials, worries,bumps in the road, for all of us....but is it not better to try your hardest to make another person know God, to know true peace, to be happy... if the pettiness of how much your outfit cost, how big your rims on your vehicle are, how huge your wedding ring is, what your square footage is on your vacation home... was turned to how many struggling, non-drug addicted single moms did I help today by picking up that grocery tab anonymously,  opening the door for that struggling elder, smiling and waving at that woman you don't know that drives a 1980s car, or giving that child you know an extra hug or a good job bc you don't know what trials he or she is facing at that moment, donating/volunteering, giving your all in some way to someone else at least once a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because if you are truly happy and blessed, as we all are in some way, shouldn't we all share that tiny bit we have to someone who may need it?????