Been a while....

Well shortly after I started this blog...5 days to be exact, life turned upside down. Easiest way to say it. The journey from July 15, 2011 until today has been the deepest valley of my life and now the highest mountain with the most amazing view. Most who truly know me, know each step in this journey; for those who don't, well you can ask. lol I was just washing dishes tonight after church and felt I wanted to blog all of a sudden.

To Start- the boys! Noah has been diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. We have always known he was more stronged willed, defiant, etc... on top of being big for his age...so to finally be told he actually has a diagnoses was a relief but has also come with new challenges. We are currently still trying to find the correct medicine, dosage, and patterns to help Noah. There is a lot to all this so if you do want to know more, I will fill you in or make another blog just for Noah perhaps another night. We continue to pray for guidance, understanding, and pray he knows how much we love him and are trying to help.

Jacob is growing immensely! He is doing so well! We have continued to go to the specialist for his heart and throat/ears. The Drs are amazed how far he has come!! I am so thankful each and every day! I have not forgotten the blessing God has allowed me to have by allowing me to still be his mama every single day. He has begun to be so spoiled so we are starting our disciplining!! lol Boy oh BOY does he know he is a spoiled little precious boy!!!! lol I loved watching him tonight be up front with bubba dancing around and learning to praise God at such a young age. He is adorable! if I could only keep him off the stage-man he loves it! lol We go back to specialist again in March and April.

Now... where to begin me??????  I am not so sure where to start! The big thing right now on my heart is I am soooo thankful to the Lord! In the darkest place I could have gone, been, allowed myself...somehow he as always given me unknown strength! An old friend said " Rick talked about lifes bumps and how we will all get bumped by life some more often and harder than others but we will all get bumped. (We've been studying Ephesians 4) He also said we are all full of something. We are either full of self or full of the Spirit. He said when we get bumped one of the two is going to spill out"... Makes ya think doesn't it?! Made me think tons! I gave my life to God. Asked for strength beyond all strength. I was on my knees and I could not get up! I KNEW there was no way I could get through what i was facing ALONE!  I believe one thousand percent that the strength that God showed me, gave me going through saving Jacob .... was building me for something bigger, FOR THIS. Everything happens for a reason! I learned each day comes. Life goes on. It all works out. I stress so much less because of it and live each day more that I probably ever would have. Back to the everything happens for a reason... we don't understand things as they happen usually but it is after the fact now I am so thankful. Mark and I have talked our entire relationship about wanting to find a church home, raise our children to know the Lord, for us to live a Godly life....but talk was all it was. We never were ready I suppose. Our time is now! We have found an amazing church family @ Antioh Christian Church here in Elk City! Mark got baptized! WE, as a family, are on fire about our relationship and new life for the Lord! I never now how to say the right things...but GOD IS SO MIGHTY!  GOD IS SO WONDERFUL! The way he has touched our family this last year... how can I even explain?! I am not good with words by far... and I doubt even typing this up...but how amazing is it! When I thought my life was where I truly wanted it to be, I was truly happy....  I still lacked the most important thing. I can now say that I have never been happier. It was amazing to see Mark be baptized (BTW I have already been baptized). I have never been more touched by my husband. Is life perfect? NO! But the relationship we are building I would never trade for anything in the world. It isn't always easy but giving it all to God, makes it where it is easy when life is getting hard to just visualize the devil knocking at my door and grinning. It's much easier to deny him any room in my heart, my life, my family, my marriage. He won a battle in my life but the war will never be won by him. I believe more so than ever...the devil will work on your tiniest weakness and not give up! The great thing to know also is that GOD IS ALMIGHTY! AND HE NEVER GIVES UP EITHER!  He hasn't given up on Mark and I. He made us for each other for a reasno. He knows even if we haven't...I know this is a long mess I am sure...but one day I will know a better way to describe how the worst thing I could imagine gave light to the best thing I could ever hope for my marriage and family.
One thing I do want to say is I got really involved in church in high school and felt then a great feeling, felt I knew Christ and His word....but it it is like I am repeating a grade when I read the Bible or am studying. I know the material bc have heard it but it feels like I am reading it for the first time bc I never truly "learned" it the first time. It is hard bc I have never been afraid to ask questions say at OSU so why is it I get so tongue tied and feel so dense when I want to ask about a scripture, or say what I think about something or ask what something means more in depth bc I feel I am at the bottom of the learning scale and don't know????? I am not afraid to say I have not lived the most dedicated life and do not know the Bible inside and out but at the same time I also feel like it is looked upon like I am not true bc I don't know by now and I am 30.... Seems like this to me. Say your passion is to be a veterinarian like mine once was.... you at some point want to know all there is to know! You want that to be your life! However, you have to make the time to learn it right?! Your first year of high school you aren't going to be able to sit iItn a room with vets and know the details of it all-right? It seems the same with learning about the devoted life I am going to live from now on and have dedicated myself to.So I am going to let up the pressure on myself a bit. I feel that God has a purpose for me, has been calling to me... I just gotta figure it out and He will guide me without me even realizing at some points so for now I am studying.I am learning! I do want to know His word... it just takes time. So perhaps I will keep my mouth shut a while and just take in as much as I can, take it all in...and study study study on my own....
that is coming first; so the house may just have to be a mess more, coupons not cut/organized as quickly, etc... for tonight... I need sleep! lol So here is to me being more accountable and learning more by actually posting this and not just deleting it! I AM ME. I DO NOT KNOW IT ALL. I HAVE MY OWN OPINIONS AND NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE THEM...  plain and simple...